Grief is often associated with death, but it exists in many forms beyond what society typically acknowledges. While we are offered some space to mourn the passing of a loved one, other losses, subtle, complex, or ongoing, often go unrecognized, leaving us to process them without the same validation or support. But these forms of grief are just as real and deserving of attention. What would happen if we talked more about the losses in our life? How do we name the losses we don't even feel comfortable to talk about? Here are a few hidden griefs you might notice along your journey of life.
Grief of Expectation : When life doesn’t unfold the way we imagined, it can bring deep disappointment. Whether it’s a career path that didn’t work out, a conversation that went wrong, a dream that never materialized, or the way we thought a relationship or family dynamic would be, unfulfilled expectations can create a quiet but profound sense of loss.
Friendship and Relationship Grief : The end of a romantic relationship is widely acknowledged as a loss reasonable to grieve, but the loss of friendships or changed relationships (whether due to distance, time, differences, or personal growth) can be just as painful. Drifting apart from people who once felt like home can leave an ache that isn't often validated. For many, friends are quite significant, like chosen family, and these losses can cut extremely deep.
Grief in Transition and Change : Even positive changes, like starting a new job, moving to a new city, or becoming a parent, can carry grief. Change means leaving behind what was familiar, and adjusting to new circumstances can stir up unexpected emotions leaving us longing for what was familiar.
Pet Loss : For many, myself included, pets are family. Their unconditional love, companionship, and daily presence make their absence deeply felt, yet society often minimizes this type of grief. The routines built around their care and presence can leave a noticeable void, making everyday moments feel unexpectedly heavy. Pets often provide people with purpose, joy, and stability. Losing this can be deeply unsettling, bringing sadness and loneliness.
Identity Loss : Life changes, personal growth, shifts in beliefs or new perspectives can lead to a loss of identity. Whether it’s disconnecting from family, leaving a religious community, transitioning in gender, or stepping away from a long held role, these shifts can feel destabilizing making us question who and how we are.
Complicated Absence : When someone is physically present but emotionally or psychologically distant (for example what happens with with dementia, emotional unavailability, estrangement or addiction) grief lingers in the uncertainty, with no clear closure. Others may struggle to understand or validate this grief because the person is still physically present, making the feeling loss feel invisible or unreasonable.
Without recognition, it can feel difficult to talk openly about our losses or receive the support we need from those around us. When grief doesn’t fit into the expected molds, we may second guess our emotions or feel isolated in our experience. We might tell ourselves that our loss "shouldn’t" hurt as much as it does or struggle to name why we feel off balance. But grief in all its forms is real, and it deserves space.
Still, even though these types of grief are not always acknowledged or openly discussed, it’s important that we give ourselves permission to name and talk about them. By naming these quieter, less acknowledged losses, we give ourselves permission to honor, grieve, and heal. Grief thrives in silence, and unspoken pain can settle deep into our bodies and minds, showing up in ways we may not expect. By speaking our grief, through conversations, journaling, creative expression, or seeking support, we create space for healing, for ourselves and for those around us.
Do You Have Unresolved Grief?
Grief can sometimes linger in ways that aren’t always obvious, and it’s not always easy to recognize. If you’re unsure whether you’re carrying unresolved grief, here are some questions to reflect on. It’s important to note that the answers to these questions should correlate to a loss, change, or significant shift in your life.
Do I feel stuck, like something is holding me back emotionally?
Have I been feeling numb, disconnected, or unable to engage fully in life?
Do I avoid thinking or talking about certain losses because they feel too painful?
Have I noticed physical signs of grief, such as fatigue, tension, or changes in sleep and appetite?
Am I holding back due to anxiety, worry or fear about how others view me in my grief and loss?
Am I feeling an overwhelming sense of longing or yearning for what I’ve lost?
Do I struggle to accept the reality of the loss, feeling like it didn’t really happen or still waiting for things to go back to how they were?
Do I find it difficult to focus or enjoy life as I once did, even after some time has passed?
Am I experiencing intense emotional pain or sorrow that doesn’t seem to lessen over time?
Do I feel disconnected from others, unable to experience relationships or social connections in the same way I did before?
Am I feeling increasingly isolated or as though I’m living in a world that feels empty or meaningless?
If you resonate with several of these reflections, it may be an indicator of unresolved grief. Grief doesn’t follow a set timeline, and the way it manifests can look different for everyone. However, if you’ve experienced a recent loss, transition, or significant life change and find yourself feeling stuck or unable to heal, it could be helpful to get some additional support.
Writing this grief series has been deeply personal and healing for me as I navigate my own season of loss. I hope these reflections support you in finding space to acknowledge and move through your grief.
If you’re ready to process your grief and explore ways to move forward with it, we are here to support you. Reach out for an appointment, and let’s walk through this journey together.
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