Going to therapy is often seen as a positive step toward personal growth, healing, and self-improvement. And while that’s absolutely true, therapy can also bring about some surprising side effects—ones that might feel uncomfortable at first but ultimately lead to deeper, more fulfilling changes in your life.
Therapy can be transformative, and with transformation comes disruption. You may start to notice shifts in your relationships, stronger boundaries, and new perspectives that challenge the status quo or appear to change who people know you to be. These uncomfortable impacts of therapy aren’t bad at all; they’re signs that you’re evolving and becoming more aligned with yourself and your values. Here are some unspoken truths about the effects of therapy how they might actually be good for you in the long run.
1. Changing Relationships (Family, Partners, and Friends)
The Impact: Relationships that once felt comfortable may begin to feel strained, distant, or even uncomfortable.
As you grow in therapy, your relationships with family, partners, and friends may undergo significant shifts. You might find that some of the dynamics you once accepted no longer feel healthy or sustainable. Perhaps you’ve always been the listener in your friendships, the peacekeeper in your family, or the one who meets your partner's emotional needs while neglecting your own. As you start to assert your needs, these relationships may feel tense or distant. Family members may struggle with the new you, partners may resist the change, and long-time friends might not know how to adjust.
The Growth Side:
While these changes can be unsettling, they can be signs of growth and personal elevation. Therapy helps you understand what you need from your relationships, and as you become more assertive, those around you will either adapt or distance themselves. This shift allows you to create more balanced, fulfilling relationships where your emotional needs are acknowledged and respected. It also highlights which relationships are built on genuine mutual care versus those that thrived on unhealthy patterns.
2. Setting Boundaries
The Impact: You may find yourself saying "no" more often, leading to discomfort or conflict with others.
One of the most valuable lessons therapy can teach is the importance of boundaries. Whether it’s with family, friends, or coworkers, boundaries help you protect your mental and emotional health. However, when you begin to set these boundaries, the people around you may resist. They may be used to you always saying "yes" or overextending yourself to meet their needs. This can create tension or even conflict as you begin to prioritize your well-being. It allows you space to learn to navigate staying connected to your intentions even when those around you may disagree.
The Growth Side:
Although it may feel like boundaries push people away, they actually create healthier relationships. Boundaries allow you to maintain your own well-being and avoid burnout. Over time, the people who truly care about you will respect your limits, while those who don’t may fall away. Ultimately, this leads to relationships that are more authentic and built on mutual respect, allowing you to feel more at peace and in control of your emotional space.
3. Growing Out of Old Patterns
The Impact: You may notice that some of your old habits and coping mechanisms no longer work for you.
Therapy encourages you to challenge and outgrow patterns that have kept you stuck. You might realize that behaviors you relied on—such as people-pleasing, avoiding conflict, always putting others first, or being reactive to be heard—are no longer serving you. This can feel disorienting, as you may feel unsure about how to navigate life without these familiar coping mechanisms.
The Growth Side:
Letting go of old patterns opens up the possibility for healthier behaviors and more effective ways of handling stress and relationships. Therapy helps you develop new tools, such as self-compassion, assertiveness, and emotional regulation. While it may be uncomfortable to let go of what you’ve known, these new strategies lead to long-term emotional health and stability.
4. Outgrowing Certain Relationships
The Impact: Some relationships may no longer align with who you’re becoming, leading to a natural drift or even conflict.
As you grow in therapy, you may find that certain relationships no longer feel aligned with your values or sense of self. People who were once close to you may not understand or support your growth, leading to feelings of guilt, isolation, or conflict. You may outgrow friendships, or you may find that family dynamics become more strained as you change.
The Growth Side:
While it’s difficult to outgrow relationships, it’s often necessary for personal growth. Therapy helps you prioritize relationships that are reciprocal, supportive, and aligned with your values. Though some connections may end, this makes room for new, healthier relationships that reflect your growth. Surrounding yourself with people who understand and support your healing journey creates a more nurturing environment for your continued evolution, safety, and connection in community.
5. Facing Uncomfortable Truths
The Impact: Therapy often brings to light difficult emotions, past traumas, or patterns that you’ve avoided or suppressed.
In therapy, you’ll likely uncover uncomfortable truths about yourself, your past, or your relationships. This process can feel emotionally raw as it requires confronting issues you may have suppressed for years. You may feel overwhelmed as you begin to process deep-seated emotions, past traumas, or family dynamics that have gone unexamined for too long.
The Growth Side:
Facing these truths is essential for healing. Once these issues are brought to the surface, therapy gives you the tools to work through them, rather than allowing them to bubble under, like a volcano waiting for an opportunity to explode. Facing uncomfortable truth, and even acknowledging our own parts in our suffering (see section below), though painful at times, leads to emotional freedom and peace. By working through difficult emotions, you gain clarity, self-awareness, and a greater sense of inner calm. You can feel empowered to take action in the interest of the life and relationships you desire.
6. More Accountability for Your Actions
The Impact: Therapy encourages you to take responsibility for your behaviors, which can trigger feelings of defensiveness, shame, or blame.
In therapy, you’ll likely be asked to reflect on your behaviors and choices, which can feel uncomfortable. It’s not easy to acknowledge that you’ve made mistakes, have contributed to your experiences of suffering, or engaged in negative patterns in your relationships. Taking accountability may lead to feelings of defensiveness or even shame, as it’s natural to want to protect yourself from the discomfort of realizing you’ve hurt others—or yourself. Self-compassion is key in accountability, as well as a commitment to take different actions that align with your goals and values.
The Growth Side:
While it takes a lot of courage to admit your mistakes and take responsibility, doing so is an essential part of growth. Therapy provides a safe space to manage the shame and blame that can accompany accountability, helping you process these feelings and move forward. Accountability is empowering because it allows you to change. By owning your actions, you take control of your future and your healing. Therapy offers tools to manage defensiveness and embrace change, fostering greater self-awareness and emotional intelligence.
7. Increased Self-Awareness and More Triggers
The Impact: Therapy heightens self-awareness, which can lead to noticing more triggers, making it harder to avoid emotional discomfort.
As therapy helps you become more aware of your emotions, triggers, and patterns, you may feel more vulnerable or sensitive to situations that you previously overlooked. This heightened awareness can be overwhelming as you start to recognize all the ways in which you’ve been emotionally triggered without realizing it. This causes some people to pause or stop therapy altogether, as a way to avoid discomfort. However, this is a common experience that is not only RELATABLE but APPROPRIATE to discuss in therapy. It is a sign that you are indeed healing, and being more present with yourself, rather than going through the motions, likely as a trauma response.
The Growth Side:
While increased self-awareness can feel like an emotional flood, it’s an opportunity to develop stronger coping strategies. Therapy equips you with tools to manage your emotions intentionally, allowing you to respond to triggers rather than react impulsively. By learning to cope with your triggers, you gain more control over your emotional life and are better equipped to handle stressful situations. Coping strategies such as mindfulness, grounding techniques, and nervous system regulation become crucial as you navigate this new level of awareness.
The uncomfortable side effects of therapy are actually signs of growth. Change is uncomfortable, but it’s necessary for personal development and healing. The shifts you experience in therapy may feel unsettling at first, but they ultimately lead to healthier relationships, stronger boundaries, and a deeper connection to yourself.
If you are seeing therapy The Connection Clinic can support you in your journey. Click below to schedule an appointment.
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